"Sure as hell don't know where I would be without you. Sure as hell don't know what I'd do with myself. Hell, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Everything's just a damn blur. And if you would even dare to go as far as to ask me what I'm thinking, then you'd just have another damn reason to think I'm crazy. Every damn thing is too complicated around here."

Starting tomorrow, I am at least going to start posting one blog a week, maybe every other day, or maybe even one day after another sometimes! I'm really bad at rememnering things, and I promise to do better and have better topics.

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.” - Unknown

For this moment in time, this all I have to say.

Some people are simply not worth your time, effort, and love, even if they are family.

The love of a Grandparent

Every day I thank God for my Grandparents. Know it or not, they are some of the most influential people in your life. I still have my Grandma Elsie, Papa Johnson, and Grandma Iris, even thou she is not my real Grandma, I wouldn't trade her for anyone else in the world. When I was 7 or 8 years old, my Grandma Elsie had several strokes and seizures. She was never the same, but she's still here and going. When I was 3, I lost my grandfather, Pa Pa, or Pa, to cancer. I may have only been three, but I still miss him so much and remember him. Every time I see a McDonald's, I think of our ice cream cones or when we make a trip to the trash dump, I think about riding in his big F250, called "Big Red". Although he is not here , he lives on my heart. When I go to a funeral, and I know this is weird, but this is what happens to me, I'm sad about the person who died, but then I think of him and start crying like a baby. Grandma Elsie is my hero and I've always said I want to grow up to be like her. She kept me when I was little and taught me most of what I know. Now, the older she gets, the more I worry about her. I wonder what my life will be like when she's gone. How different it will be not to be able to go to her house and make a bagel and spill out everything on my mind to someone I can trust and know who will listen. Its funny to get her started on the family, more about her brother and sister in laws and just sit and listen. There has always been subjects I've avoided with her such as her father or my Pa Pa. But today she said something to me that almost made me cry in front of her, which I don't like crying in front of anyone. And it was all over me getting my permit to drive in May. She said, "If Pa was here, he would get you a car. You know that don't you? He loved everyone of you grandchildren. If I was able, I would get you a car, but I can't, but just remember, I love you." All of that from a conversation about a car I will never have. I love her. I love all of them! :)

INFO

Ok, its making me mad, so I'll have to tell you what I said tomorrow night. Dang it. >:(

Random!

Hey guysss! Sorry I haven't been that great at posting stuff, but I've been real busy. Right now, I'm not even home. I 'm at one of my bestest friends houses, Helen! So, I'm not going to be doing a real "blog"tonight, but I'm going to throw around a few ideas and whoever sees this, tell me witch one you think I should write on next: Music; my likes and dislikes, Pop culture, TV, or Books. And before I go back to....... duh nuh duhhhhh.... school, I will post a blog on

What I feel was the longest day of my life.

As you may have noticed, I am quite prone to going to bed quite late (4ish) and waking quite late (1ish). Well, this morning I awoke at 8 o'clock. I went to church, out to eat, to my Grandma's, and was home before 12:30. My house gets pretty friggin boring, so I set off in search of something to do. I found my self at my aunt and uncle's house. I was soon roped into weed pulling, of course I got paid, 20 bucks. That lasted for what seemed like an eternity. After that ordeal, I was nice and sweaty, not mention dirty and soaked, by my younger cousins. Came home showered, and was bored again. So off I went to my Grandma's again. I spent a while there (like 2 hours) before returning to my house. (Then of course the moments when I had absolutely nothing today dragged out because I had some heavy stuff weighing on my mind: drama.) Then, I decided to go to my other aunt's house (Martha) to wait on her to get home. Trey was there and Billy. Martha got home then soon JJ followed. Now, here's the thing, and I hate to have to say this, but Billy has some awful gas. Well I was sitting on the couch when he let one go and my automatic reflex was to jump up and run for air freshener. When I did, I had to go down a hallway connected to the living room by a door frame. Well, in the midst of running and laughing, I knocked my foot really good on the door frame. And of course everyone heard it and we all laughed for at least ten minutes. JJ even fell out her chair. I then topped my LONG day with some Burger King and came home, where I now sit bored and wide awake at 2:34 in the morning. :)

Cleaning & The Beach!

Look at that, OMG! Makes me think about Hoarders! But here's the thing, I don't want to keep any of it!

Boy am I tired, but I'm going to keep up with posting at least one blog everyday. So, today I have been cleaning out my pig pen of a room. And let me tell you, I cannot begin to tell you how I have accumulated so much "junk". The main purpose of me cleaning my room is so I can get under my bed and on the side were I have a tendency to just throw stuff. And I'm doing all this so I can go to the beach with my aunt. (We have a small beach house in Garden City.) Once I get my room clean. let me tell you, it will never get like this again. And I'm investing in a good trash can too! Goodwill, here I come! LOOK OUT! And for the next 5 days, I will not be posting a blog because I will be at the beach! So have a great next couple of days anyone who reads this!

A Very Sweet Lady

I couldn't sleep, so I felt like doing some blogging. Tonight I was talking with someone whose family member I stay with often. Quite recently that person, that I stay with & who I will not name, lost a child. (Note :The child was an older person, not younger.) The person I was talking with was saying how they were on a vacation. I asked if the person I stayed with went with them. They said no, the person did not come because they could not bear the thought of going without the child. After I finished talking with that person, I began to think about the one I stay with. She (The person I stay with.) is a very sweet lady who I have grown close to over this last year. Her family is very nice to me and my family and we often swap stories around. (& food!!!) I just wish there was something I could do to help her. I know this year has been hard for her, exspecially on holidays, and I have watched her hurt not knowing what to say. The one I was talking to earlier suggested I give her a call to lift her spirits some, but I'm a little aprehensive. Ever since her child passed, I have worried about her like she is my on Grandmother. I just want know what I can do to help her, what to say if I have to. I hate not knowing what to do or not doing what you want to in these situations.

Look Up Lodge 2010! :)

During the week of June 13-18, I attended a Christian church camp called Look Up Lodge. And let me tell you, it was a life changing experience. I fell into the daily routine of waking up early for our scheduled breakfast, that awful climb to chapel, which was up a giant hill in the mountains of SC, back down, activities, free time, supper, chapel again, and so on. Our speaker was Greg Boone, owner of LUL at this moment, and he was amazing, as always. I had been moved a little last year, but enough to say I had truly heard God. Well this year, the first couple of days I felt absolutely NOTHING. My God radar was flattttt. By Wednesday night, I was feeling a little something. And then they played this song, which they played last year too, called, Lead Me to the Cross, which began to move me in a small way. They also played a few from the last year too, like Open the Floodgates of Heaven, Jesus Paid it All, Mighty to Save, How Great is our God, and a few others, and I recommend looking them up on YouTube! The next day and night I waited to hear those songs again, waiting on something to move me. I didn't hear them. By Thursday afternoon's chapel I thought I wasn't going to hear them again. Thursday evening we were told to wear old clothes and closed toes shoes to chapel for our special end of the week event that night. When we got to chapel, everyone expected to hear a whole lot of talking, but Greg said two or 3 words, and walked off the stage. Then the band came out and began to play. That night was AMAZING! They played the song and I was moved to the point of tears, and I hadn't cried since right before I got out of school. I can also say that he moved so many people in that place that it was just awesome being in that chapel! After chapel we went hiking up a mountain in the dark, when it was wet, as a repersentation of a point they were showing us. But it was all worth it by the time we got to the top of that mountain. I have never so sad as when we had to leave LUL this year. I can't wait for next year! :) "My God's not dead, He's surely alive and he's living on the inside roaring like a lion!"

first real "blog"!!! :)

Over the last couple of weeks, I have become interested in things from my childhood, even though I am only 14. I dearly miss being younger and running around not worrying about what other people think about you. I have begun to watch shows like Gargoyles and Touched by an Angel, which both aired during the 90's and early 00's. I miss playing with my many Barbie's and Light Bright's. Ohhh what I would give to be 5 again; kindergarten, wearing what you wanted to and not caring, and the best tv shows ever. I can't tell you how much I even begin to hate these new shows like I-Carly or Sponge Bob. Not to mention the musical world's biggest hit right now, Justin Beiber, what in the world happened to the annoying Spice Girls hit Wannabe. But thats enough dissing for right now, back to my childhood. I remeber playing Pokemon on my Gameboy Advance every day. I just want to say to all those little children out there who want to be more "mature" or "grown up" just to chill. Their really gonna miss being little. Boy do I. Thats all for now. BTW, I'm gonna post a few other things tonight updating you on what I have been up to!

Since this is my first blog ever let me start by telling you a little about my self. My name is Anna-Margaret .I am a 13 (almost 14) year old living in the sticks with this crazy faimly of mine. I have many adventures to come to blog about. I am a JV softball player at REL.I play almost any position.I can no longer catch because of some major issues with my knees. I live very active life full of fun. I also enjoy riding my 4-wheeler and spending time with 2 little brother like boys, Hunter and Aiden, and their Grandma Shelby. My family is my life.Even the crazy ones.And don't let me forget all my friends!I love them to death.I mean who else would I be able to vent to?