"Sure as hell don't know where I would be without you. Sure as hell don't know what I'd do with myself. Hell, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Everything's just a damn blur. And if you would even dare to go as far as to ask me what I'm thinking, then you'd just have another damn reason to think I'm crazy. Every damn thing is too complicated around here."

Starting tomorrow, I am at least going to start posting one blog a week, maybe every other day, or maybe even one day after another sometimes! I'm really bad at rememnering things, and I promise to do better and have better topics.

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.” - Unknown

For this moment in time, this all I have to say.

Some people are simply not worth your time, effort, and love, even if they are family.

The love of a Grandparent

Every day I thank God for my Grandparents. Know it or not, they are some of the most influential people in your life. I still have my Grandma Elsie, Papa Johnson, and Grandma Iris, even thou she is not my real Grandma, I wouldn't trade her for anyone else in the world. When I was 7 or 8 years old, my Grandma Elsie had several strokes and seizures. She was never the same, but she's still here and going. When I was 3, I lost my grandfather, Pa Pa, or Pa, to cancer. I may have only been three, but I still miss him so much and remember him. Every time I see a McDonald's, I think of our ice cream cones or when we make a trip to the trash dump, I think about riding in his big F250, called "Big Red". Although he is not here , he lives on my heart. When I go to a funeral, and I know this is weird, but this is what happens to me, I'm sad about the person who died, but then I think of him and start crying like a baby. Grandma Elsie is my hero and I've always said I want to grow up to be like her. She kept me when I was little and taught me most of what I know. Now, the older she gets, the more I worry about her. I wonder what my life will be like when she's gone. How different it will be not to be able to go to her house and make a bagel and spill out everything on my mind to someone I can trust and know who will listen. Its funny to get her started on the family, more about her brother and sister in laws and just sit and listen. There has always been subjects I've avoided with her such as her father or my Pa Pa. But today she said something to me that almost made me cry in front of her, which I don't like crying in front of anyone. And it was all over me getting my permit to drive in May. She said, "If Pa was here, he would get you a car. You know that don't you? He loved everyone of you grandchildren. If I was able, I would get you a car, but I can't, but just remember, I love you." All of that from a conversation about a car I will never have. I love her. I love all of them! :)

INFO

Ok, its making me mad, so I'll have to tell you what I said tomorrow night. Dang it. >:(

Random!

Hey guysss! Sorry I haven't been that great at posting stuff, but I've been real busy. Right now, I'm not even home. I 'm at one of my bestest friends houses, Helen! So, I'm not going to be doing a real "blog"tonight, but I'm going to throw around a few ideas and whoever sees this, tell me witch one you think I should write on next: Music; my likes and dislikes, Pop culture, TV, or Books. And before I go back to....... duh nuh duhhhhh.... school, I will post a blog on

What I feel was the longest day of my life.

As you may have noticed, I am quite prone to going to bed quite late (4ish) and waking quite late (1ish). Well, this morning I awoke at 8 o'clock. I went to church, out to eat, to my Grandma's, and was home before 12:30. My house gets pretty friggin boring, so I set off in search of something to do. I found my self at my aunt and uncle's house. I was soon roped into weed pulling, of course I got paid, 20 bucks. That lasted for what seemed like an eternity. After that ordeal, I was nice and sweaty, not mention dirty and soaked, by my younger cousins. Came home showered, and was bored again. So off I went to my Grandma's again. I spent a while there (like 2 hours) before returning to my house. (Then of course the moments when I had absolutely nothing today dragged out because I had some heavy stuff weighing on my mind: drama.) Then, I decided to go to my other aunt's house (Martha) to wait on her to get home. Trey was there and Billy. Martha got home then soon JJ followed. Now, here's the thing, and I hate to have to say this, but Billy has some awful gas. Well I was sitting on the couch when he let one go and my automatic reflex was to jump up and run for air freshener. When I did, I had to go down a hallway connected to the living room by a door frame. Well, in the midst of running and laughing, I knocked my foot really good on the door frame. And of course everyone heard it and we all laughed for at least ten minutes. JJ even fell out her chair. I then topped my LONG day with some Burger King and came home, where I now sit bored and wide awake at 2:34 in the morning. :)